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New View and New Beginnings

It was one of the most rewarding and difficult times of my life. While moving apartments earlier this week, I faced the storage unit of a former self, a new bride and homeowner, filled with wedding gifts and memories of Rich.

But it was a task I faced in order to create a new beginning.

Ever since I moved to Riverside Drive, I’ve imagined someday having a view of the Cloisters across the street. My super told me two weeks ago that an updated one-bedroom unit was opening in the building on the sixth floor. I instantly fell in love when he showed it to me. Lots of sunlight, a dishwasher (!), and marble countertops. But the most exciting selling point was the view from the bedroom windows. The Cloisters are dreamier than I had imagined.

With lots of support from friends and my prayer partner, I began packing. Everything came together: movers, packing materials, and friends. I carefully constructed a plan to have two people with me to help decide if the stored items would: 1.) be moved into the new apartment, 2.) be given away, or 3.) be moved into a closer storage unit. Boxes of photos and my wedding dress were in this third pile.

I’ve been a tenant of a 10×10 unit at Drop N’ Lock Storage, two hours north of Manhattan, in Wingdale, N.Y. since 2011. Now I’ve chosen to relocate to a much smaller unit at a nearby Manhattan Mini Storage that costs twice as much. I set the intention to go through one box of memories a week until the unit is completely empty before the discounted special runs out in October. I believe Rich supports this decision. His love lives within me, not in his belongings. He’s proud of me as I face this heartbreaking next step.

I cried uncontrollably for days leading up to the move. It was quite embarrassing. I usually have good self-control, but I could not stop the tears on the A train or in Starbucks. Dr. Bronson said my body was re-experiencing the trauma and grief of losing my husband. And it was incredibly painful.

On the other hand, rediscovering my belongings is like Christmas! Ooh, I love these glass candlesticks! New towels! Wine glass charms! The wedding registry was designed with excellent taste!

I told Dr. Bronson that was I scared of losing my connection with Rich. That as time passes and lost memories are not regained, I am afraid of losing my husband emotionally. Yet this week, I feel him more strongly than I have since his transition. It’s as if he is holding my hand to show me the way and it is incredibly loving.

Thank you to the long list of angels who helped: Dr. Bronson, Shea, Betsy, Marnie, Lara, Cynthia, Chrissy, Laurie, Thomas, Tania, Jan & Ferry, Jeremiah, Jacob & the guys at Morris Moving, Ginny at Drop N’ Lock, Jessica at Manhattan Mini Storage, Nuri, Feriz, and many many more who held me in light.

Big thanks to Joanna Prisco and Preetam Sirur for being at my side yesterday. Thank you to my former roommate Britt Hall, who I have a deeper love and appreciation for. Most of all, thank you Rich. I love you today as much as I did the day I married you.

Posted in Blog on April 12, 2014.

12 Responses

  1. Caren says:

    Hey Angela! Congratulations on the successful move! Sending you much love and wishes for wonderful energy to surround you in your beautiful new “Home Sweet Home.”

    xoxo

  2. Lynn Manuell says:

    Hi Angela- Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I had heard from Marni that you had gotten a beautiful apartment facing the beloved cloisters. I hope you can go to the lovely park and enjoy the warm spring days and take this time of healing and love. You are so special and your friends support you 100%. Love Lynn

  3. Geri says:

    Hi Angela…..I am so happy that the day went smoothly.Enjoy your new surroundings and your new acquisitions!!! You are a joy to know and bring joy to all of us. I love you so much and can’t wait to see youin less than two weeks. Namaste’ Geri

  4. David Henry says:

    Angela (#2) , I watch you from a friend’s perspective, a dear friend for sure – the dearest, Knowing your story, it’s not like I really want to feel what your feel – because I don’t – because it would be too much. But somehow I grow from watching you. We shared the book “The Fault in our Stars” and you told me of your favorite quote and I wonder how it could mean so much to me, not having gone through it all. But it does. I so understand what Hazel Grace meant when she said:
    “The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we’d done were less real and important than they had been hours before.”

    ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

    Sending you love and holding light for you . . .

  5. Ruth and Rick Anglickis says:

    Angela – memories of the best of times will always be there for you. So proud of the steps
    you’re making moving forward. God will continue to bless you in your new apartment.
    With all our love, Uncle Rick and Aunt Ruth

  6. Angela says:

    You spoke clearly from and with your heart. You’re fortunate to have a lot of inner strength and upward drive and very good outside guidance and encouragement. You still have some oceans to face and cross, but you know people, like me, with gondolas that can help you help yourself to cross them. I’m happy for you. Are you in your new walls right now? Enjoy them! Phil

  7. Liz says:

    Congratulations, Angela, on the miles of progress you have made in a short space of time. Best wishes in your new home. It’s in a great neighborhood! xx Liz York

  8. Dora says:

    Never knew you before, and have only seen beauty, grace, & strength. Angela you are an extremely loved lady and this, my dear friend, will carry you to all of the new places in your life. Know you are supported in whatever endeavor you choose.

    May you enjoy all that surrounds you no matter where you are taken. ~ Love

  9. Kim says:

    Congratulations on your new place! I’m so happy for you, and hope you’re enjoying the new view!
    I’m looking forward to seeing some pics soon!

  10. Joanne Tomasello says:

    Beautiful.

  11. Karen Caruso says:

    Rock on Angela!!!
    Love and Light Always.
    Karen

  12. Leslie Back says:

    Love you my sister.
    L

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