Dear Angela 3.0
Dear Angela 3.0,
It's been a long while since I have written you a letter, I am so glad to connect with you. What an ambitious, humbling and contemplative journey you have been travelling... After all the years of therapies, doctor appointments, and support groups, today marks your Sweet Sixteen.
There will be no birthday cake, frilly dresses, candle or shoe ceremonies, nor a Daddy daughter dance. Instead, this Sweet Sixteen will recognize the summer day that you survived a car crash, which your husband Rich did not. It is a conflicted anniversary that reflects death and rebirth, because July 31st 2008 was the day when two lives ended and one new life began.
This part of Summer always feels somber, and fortunately you got to process these feelings with a skilled neuropsychologist during a recent session. He is also a practicing Buddhist who invited us to expand the concept of anniversary, by embracing that we are all constantly dying and being reborn. He said anniversaries are an open chess board. We can ignore them or make a big deal of them.
For many of the past sixteen years, you have made a very big deal of the date that you refer to as your "ReBirthDay", because it marks your second chance at life. Many people who live with brain injuries recognize the date of their injury by giving it a name. For example, January 29th, marks Bob Woodruff's "Alive Day". One acquaintance calls April 2nd his "D-Day", because he feels like he died and doesn't believe he'll ever be reborn again. One friend refers to August 13th as her "Happy I Didn't Die Day", and another says December 30th is her "Lucky To Be Alive Day."
Other folks entirely ignore their anniversaries because they are a painful reminder of what was lost. Some don't know how to acknowledge it because it may feel sad, or the date can simply slip past their fractured memories. To help recall past ReBirthDay observances, you, Angela 3.0, recently reflected on past blogs and old iPhone photos. This is a strategy you often use to find your misplaced memories.
Before there was a name for this anniversary, you ate alone so as to contemplate all that was lost. It's hard to recall when ReBirthDay became the title, it was sometime in the first 5 years. There have been so many July 31sts, the most remarkable was when you planned two big Tenth ReBirthDay parties -- one in New York City and another in Hendersonville, NC -- to honor the team of doctors, therapists, lawyers, friends and family who helped save and rebuild Angela's life.
You do like a reason to celebrate, so there will likely be more ReBirthDay parties in the future. Wedding anniversaries and significant birthdays will always be recognized (by the way, your 50th is just around the corner). Your father was the person who mentioned this year would mark your Sweet Sixteen, you had not considered its significance, and did not plan a celebration in time. So, you booked an appointment later today to experience your first "dive" in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber.
I admire how far you have come and how far you have yet to go. Keep building memories with your new husband Augustus. Keep smiling. Keep forgiving, yourself and others. Do your best to let go of the fear of impermanence, as change is the only thing we can count on. You, of all people, could have learned that by now.
Proudly,
Angela 2.0